Created to Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 9

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5
What a wonderful verse! I know I desperately need wisdom in becoming the wife and mother I strive to be, and I also realize I would never get it in and of myself. Thankfully God has promised to give wisdom to anyone who asks!!
Find your life in his.
Those are just five words, but oh what wisdom and challenge they hold! As I’ve mentioned before I lived in the same house from the time I was born to the time I was married at the age of 19. I grew up within minutes of both grandparents and 95% of the rest of my extended family. Birthday and holidays were filled with all kinds of relatives and celebrations. I deeply, truly love Wyoming and the mountains and the West.
I never, ever expected, or wanted, to be a career military spouse. I wanted to live in Wyoming, raise my kids close to where I grew up so they could know the same closeness with their grandparents and extended family that I did growing up. I wanted to be able to take them camping in the summer, hunting in the fall, and skiing and sledding in the winter. I wanted them to go to the same church where I was saved, baptized, graduated, and got married.
When we were dating and Bob was considering the military I fought him tooth and nail. I told him I was absolutely not marrying a Marine. Finally he decided to join the Coast Guard and I decided that was acceptable. He could serve 4 years, get it out of his system, and then go work for his Dad in the Sherrif’s department in the towns we grew up in and we’d all live happily ever after.
Obviously, that’s not how our lives played out. But truthfully I’m a very happy and proud military wife. It didn’t happen automatically. When Bob told me he was getting back in for good I can’t say I smiled and was just all giggles about it. But with God’s help I’ve learned to let go of how I wanted my life to play out and instead accept what is best for my husband, best for my family, and what God’s will is for our life. As I mentioned earlier in this study, there are still times I really struggle. There are still times when I find out we might be moving somewhere and I rant and rave and pout. With God’s help, though, I’m happy to say that the majority of the time I’m happy and content. It would be far too easy for me to put on a “oh woe is me” attitude. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I’ve been living for the past 3 years in an area I don’t really enjoy and we haven’t been able to find a supportive church family. My only friend here moved away, and now I have no one to baby sit, no one to go visit, no one to help or recieve help from. Because I’ve been moving every 2 years since I got married no where has felt like home and I feel like as soon as we unpack boxes and start getting settled in and finally start making friends we’re leaving again. Although I have been lucky up to this point in not having him  Trust me, if I wanted to I could be quite dismal and depressed.
But I’m not! We have had a very nice place to live in here, the beaches are beautiful, I really enjoy my OB, I recently joined a playgroup and am starting to meet other moms, I keep in touch with everyone back home over the phone, Facebook, and email. Because I have no one to lean on, I lean fully on Bob which has made us closer and stronger as a couple. Even if I don’t like the place we live, I know because of our lifestyle we won’t be stuck anywhere for good. I enjoy getting to see the United States and experience living in new and exciting places I’ve never even visited before.
Slowly, but surely, I’m learning to find and embrace my life in Bob’s. Are you doing the same for your marriage?
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  1. says

    I’m afraid I just can’t be that sacrificing. I am too selfish and would like to have my hubby do things MY way some times. I don’t mind following his lead when it takes us in a direction that is mutually beneficial but sometimes he’s WAY off base. When I found out he was going to buy a Harley last year I just about grabbed for a butcher knife! We were going to need a new furnace before winter and our gutters leaked like a sieve! I love my hubby but my cold toes are more important than his riding around in leathers on a hog. Ok, he was right about my going back to school but I need to have my own way sometimes and my own opinions about politics and who’s family we’re going to visit for Christmas.

    It must be so hard to be told where you’re going to move to with little or no input. There are places I could never live, even for a month much less 2 years. It would take a lot more than God’s help to be as accepting as you’ve become.

    It would seem that I have a long way to go to meet the standards Debi writes about.

  2. says

    Yes, those hubbies do stuff sometimes that just make you want to pull your hair out :) But that’s the whole point of this book, learning how not to be selfish :) I think all of us have a long ways to go, because no one will ever be perfect :)

  3. says

    But I would have thought a good marriage should be an equal partnership and that wives should have as much input as husbands. I understand that there are areas where my husband is more aware and educated and I look to him for guidence but other things I need to control, or want to control. I know I will never be perfect, but hubby is equally imperfect, how can I blindly trust that he knows what is best in all things?
    I love my hubby and trust that God would not lets us stray from the path he has for us, but I feel I need to be equal in our marriage.

  4. says

    Yes that is the mindset of I’d say the majority of people, Christians included, in the day we live in. This book, however, and I believe the Bible teach us much differently though. (you really should get the book, I think that she does a great job of explaining-much better than I could :) ) Each family should be run basically like a company, or nation, or whatever. You have a President and a Vice President. Neither is inferior to the other, but each has a role to play. Because one is in charge they have the final say in big decisions, even if they’re wrong. It’s not because the VP is stupid, and sometimes they might know better, but for the sake of the company having 2 CEOs or 2 Presidents with equal power would create a mess of things, I believe it’s the same way in marriage. The Bible is constantly telling the wife to submit to her husband and respect him and his decisions as the church submits itself to Christ. Women naturally balk at this, especially in the day and age in which we live when gender equality is so pushed and preached everywhere. Like I said at the beginning of this study, I know that’s a radical and controversial view point, but I truely believe it is what the Bible teaches, and everything goes so much more smoothly in my marriage when I follow God’s plan :)

  5. says

    I see what you are saying, here’s part of Ephesians 5:
    “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

    But there is more and this pushes the husband’s responsibility to his wife:
    “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

    It’s more thank wives submitting to the will and command of her husband. Husbands are to care for their wives not command them love them as they love themselves and nourish their wives. Men aren’t supposed to think only of their wants and needs and wives shouldn’t have to put up with them if they so self-centered and dominating because they are not being as Christ was to his church.

    Sorry I rambled.

  6. says

    Well yes, the man has the bigger responsibility, hence the more desicion making. I never meant to imply that the guys didn’t have a job to do too, and they should love their wives. However we’re women here, lol, not men, and you can only control your own behavior, not anyone elses. Also there’s no “if” clause in these verses. Although a husband SHOULD love his wife it would be silly to say that he doesn’t have to love his wife if she doesn’t respect him. In the same manner a wife respecting and submitting to her husband is not negated by the fact he might not love her as Christ does from time to time. We just need to worry about what we as wives need to be doing, our hubbies will have to account for themselves to God.

  7. says

    I see your point here and respect that. But I do feel that a good marriage must be one of mutual respect at all times; that, like a democracy, one person doesn’t have total control; that communication and willing compromise from both is a necessity.

    I really enjoy talking with your about this and seeing new perspectives.

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