I’m 3 things that don’t seem to go together much in today’s society.
I’m 24.
I’m a mother of (soon to be) two.
I stay at home with my kiddos.
Not too long ago all three of these were the norm. Nowadays I’m a breed of woman that’s considered old fashioned and few and far between. It’s not like I rushed into motherhood though. Since I was married at the age of 19 I’d been married over 2 1/2 years before I had my first baby, probably the normal amount for most couples. I’ll have my second child almost to the day I turn 25, and yet there will be 2 1/2 years between my children. I suppose getting married that young nowadays is considered odd too. I remember getting warned about getting married so young. Many people told me that I was throwing my life away, that I need to “live first” and not go rush off to the altar. (being as I dated hubby for 3 years I hardly felt I was rushing!!) I was told that you don’t know what you want when you’re that young, and that you change so much during those years that being with someone was a mistake, because what if when you both change you find you no longer belong together?
I’ve found that yes, you do change radically. However, everyone changes, all the time. You might change more between the ages of 17 and 25 than 25 and 35 but between the later age group you still change. Everyone is constantly changing, growing, maturing, learning (or they should be!) We’ve simply learned to change together, our marriage and our shared experiences keep us close as we change. I think this will help us not be one of those couples who looks at each other when we’re both 45 and goes, “Who are you? I don’t know you anymore, you weren’t supposed to change!” We’re expecting that!
Another thing you might expect is that being stay-at-home mom is lonely. Being a stay at home mom and a military spouse compounds it triply so. Each new place I’ve moved I’ve known no one but my husband. When you’re working you naturally meet people and get the chance to interact daily with other adults. I’m so thankful for groups like MOPS and Meetup where I’ve been able to find other stay at home moms who were deprived of adult interaction as well! Yesterday during the playgroup something struck me though. I realized that the only other adult there who was probably within 7 years of my age was the French nanny of one of the little girls. She is actually a year older than me even. When I stopped and thought about it 99% of my mommy friends are all 5-10 years older than I am. Of the 1% I can only think of a few off the top of my head who actually planned and tried to have kids as young as I did. Most of the time I don’t even pause to think about the difference in age. Since I was homeschooled much of my life I learned to interact well with everyone of all ages, and even as a young teenager could carry on conversations with adults with ease. That’s transferred over to my adult life (here is where I laugh about the stereotype that homeschooling hurts you socially) and as I have a college degree, been married for almost 5 years, and am a mom, I feel I fit right in with my mommy friends and mommy playgroups. It’s just when one of them mentions something I don’t remember, or when I do something that shows the generation I grew up in, that the gap becomes clear.
Yesterday what made the age difference leap out at me was the fact that most of the ladies in our meetup group live in gorgeous huge homes. Each house we’ve had a playgroup at has had granite counter tops, a separate playroom stuffed to the brim with toys, etc. The only other military wives in the group are all officers wives. I suppose that there are other young moms, but the realization that hit me yesterday is that they’re all probably working 9-5 jobs and their kids are in daycare. The irony of hanging out with women who live in a huge gated community struck me. They’re probably stay at home moms because their families don’t need the money that would come from them working. In our case it couldn’t be further from the truth!! An E-4 salary is not substantial, I assure you!!! But both hubby and I feel that it is vitally important that I be the one who stays home with our children to nuture them and teach them, even if that means sacrifices on our part.
Does all of the above make me radically different that 99.9% of the people that I know?
Why yes.
Would I change any of it for the world?
Absolutely not!!!!!!
karen
March 14, 2010 at 3:03 amSo true, so true!!!!!!
I get lonely in our neighborhood, everyone that lives near us works!!! In a way, I feel out of place, I would feel ‘normal’ if I worked, which feels wierd to me. Of the 2 mommy friends I have here, 1 has a full time job and the other stays at home, now. Even my sister-in-law works, which is hard, because it makes it difficult to get together. 🙁
I have to admit, I’ve felt that I should get a job, just so I didn’t feel out of place!!! It’s so sad that very few mom’s stay at home. It is a huge sacrifice, but you can never replace the memories and joy of watching your lil ones grow up!!! I would never miss it for anything!! 🙂
Donna Perugini
March 14, 2010 at 6:29 amI was just talking to my daughter about this today on the way to bootcamp (exercise) together. I was a SAHM too and now I’m Grandmother material. Women today are waiting until they’re older to have children. When they’re ‘Grandmother material’, they probably won’t have the energy to enjoy their grandkids! It’s the best time of life ever!!
Tracie
March 14, 2010 at 2:56 pmI got married when I was 19 too, and heard all of the same “advice” you did. Minus the military wife part I see so many similarities in our stories. It isn’t often to find people out there like “us” =)
AF_wife
March 14, 2010 at 4:31 pmI’m a military wife too! But not a mommy yet lol
I’m 21 and married a month before turning 20. Maybe some advice (and sorry if it’s bad advice, I’m not a mom yet) but you might search on FB for other wives that are at your base. For example I’m at a base in Nebraska and the FB group is called “Offutt AFB wives” and they do all sorts of things! And it’s not just a close nit of girls on there.. anyone can join and attend their outtings. They have play groups, they go out for coffee, etc. And I’m pretty sure most of them are younger mommies. Good luck to you!
Before we got married DH said he wanted me to be a SAHM and I was all for it! I still am, but while we aren’t trying to have kids right now I’m working. And we’ll see if we can afford for me not to work when the babies come! (Maybe I should rename my blog to Ramblings by Stephanie haha!)
Karlee Richardson
March 15, 2010 at 2:16 pmSometimes you have to take a step back and look at everything that you DO have (loving loyal husband, beautiful daughter, clothes on your back, roof over your head, food in your mouth, etc.). It’s easy to caught in up in the world and look at all the “things” that everyone else has. But then you have to realize it’s not “things” and money that make you happy. For me it’s my family. I could be living in a cardboard box with no material possessions and still have the whole world as long as my family was by me. I also feel like it’s an honor to stay home with our little ones. I feel lucky every day that I get to watch her grow and change. Thank you hubby for working so hard to make that possible 🙂
MariLee
March 15, 2010 at 4:30 pmHey! Thanks for not including belly button contents this time! 🙂 LOL!
I’m 31. Almost all of my friends have always been older than me UNTIL I became a mom! Now my 3 best friends are 28, 29 and 40. 🙂 I’m kinda right in the middle. I like that.
Wish you lived closer, Nicole! We’d have a blast in real life!! HAHA!
SharaPCS
March 18, 2010 at 3:06 amI think that a lot of moms actually did stay home with their kids…until the economy crashed so hard. I knew a lot of at-home mothers until that point. When their hubbies lost their jobs, the wives then returned to work (if they could find it).
Maybe it was just the moms I knew, though? I’m not sure.
I think it’s great that you are willing to sacrifice in order to stay home with Amber (and your next Mini Human…soon to come). My mom was always a stay-at-home parent (she cleaned homes here and there to earn some cash, though). Anyway, a few of her friends used to ask her how she did it. “Why can’t we do it, too?” She would say, “Well, you can! Stop getting your hair and nails done. Stop buying new clothing. Shop yard sales and thrift stores. Don’t go on fancy vacations.”
Mmm…Hmm… 😉 You can do it – if you really WANT to!
Abbey
March 18, 2010 at 3:14 amI think that it’s great that you stay home with Amber, she will so appreciate it when she is older. My mom had to work cause it was just the two of us when I was younger and I wish she was home more. Yes, it made me more independent but it would have been nice to talk to someone in person after I got home from school.
I love the fact that I am able to stay home with my kids. I, too wouldn’t change it for the world. John and I don’t really do anything “fun”, but the sacrifice is for the betterment of our children and we are giving them something that no one else can give them: being raised by their parents.
Kudos to you!