Finding My Inner Fierce

In celebration of International Women’s Day👑 I’m re-sharing one of my all time favorite posts that I’ve ever written in the 8 years I’ve been blogging, and this was definitely my favorite ever photo shoot!!!

Finding My Inner Fierce

Fierce.

Fierce is the experience of bringing a new life into this world in a way that you had never anticipated and never expected–twice. It’s giving birth first by emergency Cesarean after a grueling 24 hour marathon, and then a few years later completely drug free, neither time by choice, but by necessity. It’s holding that precious baby in your arms and realizing *I just did that* I was fierce.

The Fierce Fund

Fierce is bringing your newborn & 2 year old daughter to the ER by yourself in a state that you just moved to because your hubby is 100 miles away serving his country & you know no one else. It’s staying strong when your daughter is admitted to the hospital for several days, and finding a way to somehow keep supporting her and keep her calm through all the blood drawing and medicine, while simultaneously taking care of her baby brother until your husband can finally arrive. I was fierce.

Fierce is bringing your son into the ER for what you think is a bad cold, to in a matter of moments being faced with an ambulance ride, then life flight into Boston Children’s Primaries, and then having your sweet baby admitted to the ICU. It’s getting horribly sick yourself, staying up for over 24 hours and completely losing your voice because you’re singing through the whole night to keep your tiny baby calm while holding the oxygen and medicine mask over his face because you’ve never been so scared in your entire life but you must be strong for him and can’t afford to break down, not yet.  I was fierce.

The Fierce Fund

Fierce is dealing with 7 months alone while your husband is overseas, it’s staying strong when your 3 year old climbs sobbing into your bed at 3 a.m. because of the nightmares she’s had nearly every night since Daddy left. It’s breaking down yourself later on and crying yourself to sleep, and then putting on a happy face for the rest of the world during the day time because there is no way they can possibly get it. It’s finding a way to get through the bittersweet experience of your sons first words, first steps, and first birthdays that his Daddy completely missed.

Fierce is driving across the United States from Wyoming to Boston with the kids and your mother-in-law so that you can be there to welcome him home with open arms when his flight arrives late at night on the Air Force Base. It’s sneaking away for a night and day alone and falling back in love with the guy you’ve been married to for years. I was fierce.

Fierce Fund

Fierce is moving out of state 6 times in 8 years–most of the states which you have never stepped foot in and where you don’t know a single person other than your husband. It’s learning to love the best about each place and not complain about the worst. It’s learning how to put yourself out there, actively seeking out groups and friendships so that rather than bemoan not having any friends, you’re thrilled at the chance to make new ones. It’s looking at the experience as the adventure and privilege it is–rather than seeing it as a hardship or burden. It’s living in your brother’s basement, a condo, an apartment, your in-laws house; and being fine with it because you know in your heart that it’s your family that makes you secure and your love that makes a home–not the roof above your head or the pictures hanging on the wall. I am fierce.

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Fierce is refusing to believe that you can’t live out your dream of being a full time stay at home mom and also help support your family. It’s jumping into working from home feet first and just doing it even if you have no clue what exactly you are doing. It’s after 5 years of hard work and long hours for pennies–finally coming to the place where you think, “I’m finally making it!” and having others bombarding you with questions of how you’ve managed to do it. It’s learning to let go of things and only say “yes to the best.” It’s learning to give yourself grace as you struggled for that perfect balance and not to freak out when you fall behind. I am fierce.

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Most of all–Fierce is realizing that you could have never, ever done any of this on your own. It’s looking back on all these things with amazement and knowing without the love and support of so many you would have failed, absolutely and miserably. It is sincerely believing, “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 cor. 12:9

My name is Nicole Elliott, and {through Him} I Am Fierce.

 A huge thank you to Arrow&Wren Photography for doing the amazing pictures for this post and to CleverGirls who sent me the fabulous blue wig to help out with their Fierce Fund campaign.



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