First of all I’d like to apologize for this being a day late. Yesterday was a crazy day for me! Hubby was sick so that left me to get myself and Amber to church, and then we had a good friend over who will be deploying in a few days. Please keep Nate and his family in your prayers as he has a 3 year old daughter and a 6 month old son and will be in Afghanistan for the next 8 months. My good friend Lara is going to need all the prayers she can get!!!
But onto today’s chapter. As I said last week this is my very most favorite chapter in the whole book!!! The first time I read it a huge light bulb went off in my head and I was like, “Oh!!! I get it now!!!” For those of you who don’t have the book (but by now you totally should 😉 go buy it!! LoL) the chapter talks about how all men basically fall into 3 categories: Command Man, Mr. Visionary, or Mr. Steady. Every man will be a little of each but most men tend be one predominately, or perhaps a good mix of 2 of the categories. It describes what the men in each category is like and then how you can be the best wife possible if your hubby falls into that group.
My hubby is 99.9% Mr. Visionary!!! I have tons of the sections dealing with this highlighted and underlined. Here are just some of them:
“They love confrontation and hate the status quo”
“Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life”
“If you are married to one of these fellows expect to be rich or poor, rarely middle class…He will not do well working 8 to 5 in the same place for thirty years, and then retiring to live the good life”
“And once get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will FINALLY be able to say “bye-bye” to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man.”
“Mr. Visionary needs a lady who does not take offense easily. She needs to be tough. He needs his lady to be full of joy and life. A Visionary Man is not equipped to be a comforter–for himself or anyone else. His lady will need to learn to tuck in that quivering lip, square those shoulders, and put on that smile.”
These are just a small few of the portions I have highlighted, happily she spends a lot of time talking about the Mr. Visionary!!
If I hadn’t known better I would have thought all the things above were written about Bob and Me and our relationship!! With a Dad who is half Mr. Command Man and half Mr. Steady (more on that later) my marriage to my Mr. Visionary totally threw me for a loop at first. As I’ve mentioned before I spent the first 19 years of my life living in the same house, and my Dad has been working the same job for the past almost 30 years now! I was expecting to marry someone, buy a house, get settled in and raise my family near my own family in Wyoming.
At first I thought the military thing was a phase, that once Bob did his 4 years he’d get out and we’d do just that. Happily ever after 8-5 for the next 30 years.
Obviously that’s not what happened!!! During that crazy time last year this book helped me get through more than anything! It helped me to realize that my Mr. Visionary hubby would be completely miserable if I tried to pressure him into a Mr. Steady job for my happiness. I accepted the fact that God made him to love change and new things, to always want to try something else, somewhere else. I also realized that since we would most likely be picking up and moving constantly anyways, the military was the perfect answer. In the military we get to move every few years, my hubby’s job is constantly changing and keeping him interested, and we’re doing it all on the government’s dime-not our own!!! This has given me more comfort and peace than anything and why I can smile about our upcoming move to Boston and call it an adventure…it’s because it’s just that!!
I’ve decided that instead of bemoaning the fact I am married to a “crazy man” who gets all sorts of half-cocked ideas and drags us about the country side, I will delight in the fact that my husband is one of the most “loveable” ones. He enjoys my friendship, is not overly demanding of me, and just wants me to be his companion.
A few other distinct light bulb moments happened in this chapter too. Whenever I’ve gotten sick Bob is great as first, but after about a day he acts like he’s uncomfortable and almost even irritated at me for being sick. This used to make me furious. I mean, how on earth is it my fault that I’m sick?! He was supposed to be comforting and pampering me, not getting mad! When I read about Mr. Visionary not being a comforter it made a bell go off. I was like, “OH! So it’s not just because he’s a huge jerk when I’m sick (LoL).” So now when I want to get mad, I just remind myself that me being sick makes him feel helpless and uncomfortable, not because he’s a jerk, but because he’s not equipped to deal with it.
These are just some of the things this chapter has made me realize and apply to my life.
It’s actually helped me in my relationships with the other men in my life as well. As I mentioned before my Dad is an odd mix of a Mr. Command Man and a Mr. Steady. He’s mostly a Command Man, but has never wanted or desired a position of leadership outside of the home. Because of this, and the fact he has worked the same job for 30 years, been married to my Mom for over 25 years, and only lived in 2 houses I think he has a good bit of Mr. Steady in him as well. One thing that always drove me nuts about him is that he would always order everyone around. Even if you were on the opposite side of the room, and he was sitting down he would tell you to go get him the remote..even if it was closer to him! This just irritated me to no end. It was as if he was lazy, but that never made sense because he’s one of the very least lazy people I’ve ever met and an extremely hard worker. As I was reading about the Command Man I thought “That’s Dad!!! That’s why he always ordered us around!” It explained so much to me!
I’ve also discovered that my brother is mostly a Visionary, and this has explained to me why he and my Dad tend to clash so often. They’re wired completely opposite of each other!
Lastly I just thought it was interesting to see that my father-in-law is a strong mix of Mr. Command Man and Mr. Visionary. All I have to say to that is bless my mother-in-laws heart!!!!!!!!! LoL!!!!
I hope that this chapter will help and bless you even a tiny bit as much as it has me. And if you’re following along please let me know what kind of man you’re married to! 🙂 As always, any feedback, comments, suggestions, and questions are very much desired! 🙂