Created to Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 14

I’ve always really enjoyed this chapter as well! I love the different stories she uses for examples, especially the one about the “purple flower girl”. This chapter relates a ton to the previous chapter, and goes directly with what I was saying about the fact that if you choose to think of your husband in the right way, over look his faults, and adore him he will do the same for you! I gave the example of my best friend to show that I’ve seen this in practice and it really does work!!!
“Your husband is not there to show you deference or to be your helper. It is NOT God’s will for your husband to reverence you…Our modern society has conditioned us to expect him to serve us. It hurts our feelings if he doesn’t do things that we feel he owes us, but that is not the plan.”
Oh I can just feel the hackles on the back of the feminists necks rising up at the above statement!!!
In our culture we’re taught that as women we’re to be pampered and waiting upon. That it’s our right to be showered with gifts and we should expect our man to grovel (all this from the same culture that claims that we are the same as men and strong and independent and don’t really need them…hmmm…funny how the refrain changes depending on what they’re pushing or trying to sell you at the moment) This attitude will do nothing but set you up for failure ladies! And how ironic it is that when you actually choose to put yourself last, choose to reverence and serve your husband as you should, well that’s when he begins to love you as he should and you just might end up getting showered and pampered! We are not to expect it first in order to show him reverence though!!!
This is another chapter where I’ve highlighted several portions, here they are:
“A man will allow his woman many, many faults as long as he knows that she thinks he is great. If she will just look into his face with adoration, if she is thankful to him for loving her, he will adore her. She can dress awful, be grossly overweight, have terrible hair, not cook so well, be a little lazy and dumb, and not be one bit pretty, but if she will just think and show that he is wonderful, he will love her.”
“The very heart of reverence is extreme appreciation and profound thankfulness that this man, just as he is, has chosen to love me, just as I am.”
“To reverence a husband…is to believe that you are blessed for being loved by this wonderful man”

This week work on showing your husband daily that you think he is the most wonderful man ever. If you don’t think he is then make a list of things that you do like about him, there is bound to be at least one! Focus on that and how you can show him you appreciate and adore that about him. Feel free to report your findings after a week of reverencing your man like you should!

Created To Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 13

First of all I just wanted to apologize for the unexpected break in this study! I know I don’t have a ton of ladies following along, but for those of you who were I hope I didn’t lose you by not posting in it for a few months! As you all know, it’s been just a little insane around here! I don’t expect that will change anytime soon with the baby coming in just a month, but want to try to resume this if I can!!! 🙂
For those of you who have started following since the last time I posted this here’s a link to the last study and my “full disclaimer” on the book (short version = you’ll either LOVE it or HATE it). If you’d like to catch all the way up and read all the previous studies since the introduction just click here!
“Marriage between a man and a woman is what God chose as the closest example of Christ’s relationship to his bride, the Church. You are part of eternity when you submit to your husband…Your marriage to your husband is preparing you for your marriage to Christ.”
I just love that statement! As she points out in this chapter later on, “obedience, submission, and reverence are all acts of the will and are not based on feelings. Showing deference toward one’s husband is an act of reverence toward the God who placed you in that role” I think this is so important to remember in day to day life!!! You don’t respect or honor your husband because he deserves it (because often he doesn’t) but because GOD deserves it.
Just like we as wives often do or say things that are not very lovable, hubbies are bound to be complete knuckle heads at times! When they are it gives us a wonderful chance to honor God by being respectful and submissive! My very favorite quote from this chapter is this one:
“The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives versus bad husbands and wives, for all marriages are made up of two sinners with lots of faults. A good marriage is good because one or both of  them have learned to overlook the other’s faults, to love the other as he or she is  and not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance.”
Such a powerful and true statement!!! In this day and age of dime-a-dozen divorces the quick and easy fix to a faulty, hard marriage is simply to end it when things get rocky. What these people don’t seem to realize until 3 marriages later is that there really isn’t such a thing as a “good husband or wife” exactly how it says above! And those who say the otherwise simply are already practicing the above statement to and with their spouse, perhaps without even realizing it! A perfect example of this is my amazing best friend. She has an absolutely wonderful marriage and just doesn’t understand how people everywhere aren’t amazingly in love and she always says that marriage is not work, it’s just fun. Most people would say that she obviously just lucked out and has the perfect husband (which is what she declares to everyone any and all the time even 5 years into her marriage). Since I know both of them so well, however, I realize that actually isn’t the case. Her husband is a human just like any other human and a man just like any other man (lol) and he has many quirks and habits that would drive most women (including myself!!!) absolutely batty. Instead of allowing these things to drive her batty though when I point them out to her she always replies that they’re “just cute” because they’re “so him”–and she actually believes it!!! Because of this amazing mindset and how she adores and respects and honors her husband he does the same to her and they have one of the closest and most wonderful marriages I’ve ever seen. They never got out of that “twitterpated stage” everyone goes through when they first fall in love where they willingly and easily overlook any and all flaws and think the other person is perfect. If only we could all get into this mindset how much happier we would all be!!!
My Dad recently sent me a quote from Abraham Lincoln that says ” people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. I think this is so true! I realize that circumstances do dictate feelings, but as she points out in this chapter, how you think and how you make your mind up to feel will dictate your feelings. If you’re constantly harping about your hubbies faults (whether out loud or just inside) of course he’s going to seem rotten and you’ll be miserable. If you’re focusing on the best inside and out you’re bound to be happy. I mean look at what a handsome good provider you’re married to! And he even put the lid down on the toilet today! (see what I mean?)
When I read the stories of the women in this chapter who chose to revere their lousy husbands instead of ditching their sorry butts I just shake my head in amazement! Most of us are so much more blessed than we can possibly even realize! If those women can revere husbands who cheat on them/are alcoholics/etc. why do we find it so hard just because our hubby had a “jerk moment” and snapped at us or the kids today? It’s good to look at stories like those so we can see just how blessed we really ARE by the amazing men we have in our lives. Yes they’re flawed–but look in the mirror lady! So are you!
This week focus in on the wonderful qualities your hubby has and be sure to mention a few to him!!! You just might be amazed at the results!!
(Oh, and this Thursday I’ll be celebrating 5 wonderful years of being a Help Meet! Yey!!!)

Created To Be His Helpmeet ~ Chapter 12 *and a "full disclaimer"*

I feel that this chapter couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! When I first broached the idea of doing this study I explained what the book was like and about and gave a little bit of a “disclaimer” (you can see that post here) I think when I started the study I had less than 50 followers though (wow to that, you are all amazing by the way, thanks for reading my stuff!!!!!!!) so I know many/most of you probably didn’t see that. As a result after I’ve been asking for feedback lately I’ve been getting it, but not really the kind I meant. LoL!!! Although I’m more than happy to discuss topics with any of my readers, the whole reason I decided to do this study each week was to help and encourage those Christian wives whose opinions were already in line with what the book teaches, and just needed guidance. (And by the way I’d like to point out that this is something I decided to do all on my little lonesome. I do get books to review from time to time but this is not one of them, I personally owned this book, have bought it as a gift for several girls, and just really wanted to share it with you).
That being said this chapter does a wonderful job of explaining exactly what I, this book, and the Bible all mean when we talk about submitting to your husband. In today’s culture submission is almost a curse word you’d think. It’s like me just saying it makes most women’s hair stand on end and picture women dressed all in black with only their eyes showing or something. I love this quote from the book:
“So is a woman a second-class citizen of the kingdom? Is she to be a subdued, brow-beaten servant to the male species? Certainly not! What the Bible teaches will not put women back into the Stone Age, nor will it turn us into a bunch of Muslim-like women who stay covered in black, sweaty bourkhas.”
I think as a military spouse grasping the idea of submission and a chain of command is easier than it maybe it is for civilians. My husband has people who are above him and he must obey them. Even if his Chief/OIC/XPO or whoever he is directly under at the time is a bumbling idiot and has no clue what he’s talking about, my husband must submit and obey his orders. Many times my hubby could possibly be doing a better job, or knows more about the subject at hand, but the deal is that the boss is the boss, and in the military that is highly respected.
We are all under someone, somewhere. We have to obey the law, the government, our employers, etc. etc. No matter how much you reject authority it’s all around. Our world revolves on it because it works. I highly doubt many of you are anarchists and yet women can’t seem to fathom what would work in a successful military, company, country, etc. just might need to be applied in the home as well. Even the Trinity has a chain of command for crying out loud!!!! Look at this verse:
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” I Cor. 11:3
Would any of us claim that Jesus is inferior to God? Of course not?! But he submitted to God’s will. We are created equally before God but we are to submit to our husband’s because it’s God’s design, His plan, and we’re really just following His own pattern by doing so!
I agree that couples should discuss things together, that both should have a say in big decisions, etc. This has been the refrain of many of comments lately. However in my marriage, and I’m sure most marriages, there will be times when you just don’t agree. We’re human and bound to have different opinions from time to time, about things large or small. I’ve given the example of deciding where to live that recently came up in my own marriage, and just yesterday yet another thing came up. Hubby wanted us to change cell providers and I thought we should stay with who we were currently with. We had a nice, civilized discussion, each explaining their points and listening to the other persons. When all was said and done though, I hadn’t convinced him and he hadn’t convinced me. So what happened? I deferred to his opinion as the head of this household and we now have new phones and a new carrier. Was I right or he? Only time will tell but I did what I was supposed to do and we can both be happy with the decision because of that.
So I hope that explains more of where I’m coming from as I do this study. That being said I do realize that the vast majority of women today would still disagree with me and my above said opinion. I don’t expect to change the culture we live in or the opinions many have formed. I know Christian women who I believe truly do love the Lord who stand in total opposition to this book and also the idea of submission. So I will now give a “full disclaimer” and if you feel like any of these fit you, feel free not to read these posts! As stated before, although I am fine with discussing topics, and also all the comments I’ve gotten have been fine and nice, the whole purpose is not to change your mind if you don’t agree, and I can absolutely guarantee you will not change mine. So…
If you have a soul-mate for a hubby, you never disagree on anything, and you already have a gloriously happy marriage
If you cringe at the word Submisson and don’t want to try to learn a new take on it
If you don’t like to be told that you’re responsible for your action regardless of what your husband does or does not do
then I can pretty much assure you that reading the book and possibly even my posts will not benefit you and probably just make you mad, lol!!!!
And if the above fit you I’d really recommend the book For Women Only. It’s also a super great relationship book, but not controversial 😉
As always, feel free to comment, I love feedback! 🙂 I’d love to hear if any of the girls who originally wanted to participate in the study are still reading these posts?? If so, speak up!!! Let me know what you think, what you’ve learned!

Created To Be His Helpmeet ~ Chapter 11

“Proverbs 31 defines the virtuous woman. She is NOT a mousy, voiceless prude. She is confident, hardworking, creative, and resourceful.” pg 114
Amen to that! I’ve always loved Proverbs 31, except that I go into major conviction mode when I read it and go, “Ack, that’s not what I look like at all!” LoL. It’s a wonderful chapter to help model and mold your life after though as a Christian wife!!
So I must confess that weeks when I’ve majorly blown it in the “good wifey” arena I almost don’t want to do this study. It makes me feel like a hypocrite to be writing about how to improve your marriage and be a good submissive wifey when I can’t even manage to do it. I just have to keep reminding myself that those are the weeks I need to post about this the most because it’s when I need it the most! This week I managed to bungle stuff up about 3 days in a row, one big Oops after another. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I’m definitely not super wife, I’m just a young wife who even 5 years into marriage still has so much to learn, including not to keep making the same silly mistakes over and over again!!!
One thing that always strikes me about this chapter is the emphasis on allowing your hubby to always have the lead, especially the spiritual leadership, in your family. As you can probably tell (lol) I have a very dominant, very outgoing, and yes…slightly controlling personality. I used to get in trouble all the time when I was younger for being “bossy”. Because of this I’ve always struggled with being submissive and allowing hubby to take the lead in all areas. The sin nature in me just wants to rip the leadership away and do it my way. This chapter is a constant reminder to me of just how wrong that really is! But as I certainly would hate to be labeled a “Jezebel” it’s something I need to continually work on!
As always, I welcome any thoughts, suggestions, questions, and comments! 🙂

Created to Be His Helpmeet ~ Chapter 10

“For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” Luke 6:45b
Your reactions really do define you. Although you might talk a good talk most of the time, it’s how you react in moments when your hubby shows up with a list of places you don’t want to move that show your real mindset and the content of your heart. In order to change your reactions, you need to change your thoughts.
This chapter is very short, but very powerful. The following two sentences from it were a huge conviction to me last year during the period of time hubby was considering hopping back into the Coast Guard. I was deeply struggling with the idea and fighting against it until God convicted me about it, partly using this:
“She was not created to choose her husband’s vocation, nor to choose his or her lifestyle. She was created by God to be her husband’s helper.”
“You are created to be your husband’s helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic.”
Oh how I fought against those sentences!!! I came back with every argument you might imagine, such as,
 “Well it’s MY life too, don’t I have a right to live it how I think we should?”
“But I don’t WANT to be a military spouse anymore! I want to stay in Wyoming!”
“What if he’s making the wrong decision? Am I just supposed to sit by and deal with the consequences?”
And although many of you might even agree with what I said and tell me I had every right to believe/think that, I was very, very wrong in my mindset. Thankfully I was able to see this and just hand it over to God, do a lot of praying, and trust that He and my hubby would do what was best for our family.
Now over a year later I can see that hubby staying in/getting back in the Coast Guard really was the best possible thing that could have happened to our family. I can’t imagine still living in the apartment with a bunch of wild college boys while hubby was working at Wal*Mart full time, going to school full time, and I was expecting a baby even though we had no health insurance. Can we say nightmare?! I learned first hand that it’s just better to let go and change your mindset even if everything within you is screaming otherwise at the time. God, and most likely your hubby, really DO have your best intentions in mind!
As always, any comments, suggestions, insights are appreciated 🙂

Created to Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 9

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5
What a wonderful verse! I know I desperately need wisdom in becoming the wife and mother I strive to be, and I also realize I would never get it in and of myself. Thankfully God has promised to give wisdom to anyone who asks!!
Find your life in his.
Those are just five words, but oh what wisdom and challenge they hold! As I’ve mentioned before I lived in the same house from the time I was born to the time I was married at the age of 19. I grew up within minutes of both grandparents and 95% of the rest of my extended family. Birthday and holidays were filled with all kinds of relatives and celebrations. I deeply, truly love Wyoming and the mountains and the West.
I never, ever expected, or wanted, to be a career military spouse. I wanted to live in Wyoming, raise my kids close to where I grew up so they could know the same closeness with their grandparents and extended family that I did growing up. I wanted to be able to take them camping in the summer, hunting in the fall, and skiing and sledding in the winter. I wanted them to go to the same church where I was saved, baptized, graduated, and got married.
When we were dating and Bob was considering the military I fought him tooth and nail. I told him I was absolutely not marrying a Marine. Finally he decided to join the Coast Guard and I decided that was acceptable. He could serve 4 years, get it out of his system, and then go work for his Dad in the Sherrif’s department in the towns we grew up in and we’d all live happily ever after.
Obviously, that’s not how our lives played out. But truthfully I’m a very happy and proud military wife. It didn’t happen automatically. When Bob told me he was getting back in for good I can’t say I smiled and was just all giggles about it. But with God’s help I’ve learned to let go of how I wanted my life to play out and instead accept what is best for my husband, best for my family, and what God’s will is for our life. As I mentioned earlier in this study, there are still times I really struggle. There are still times when I find out we might be moving somewhere and I rant and rave and pout. With God’s help, though, I’m happy to say that the majority of the time I’m happy and content. It would be far too easy for me to put on a “oh woe is me” attitude. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I’ve been living for the past 3 years in an area I don’t really enjoy and we haven’t been able to find a supportive church family. My only friend here moved away, and now I have no one to baby sit, no one to go visit, no one to help or recieve help from. Because I’ve been moving every 2 years since I got married no where has felt like home and I feel like as soon as we unpack boxes and start getting settled in and finally start making friends we’re leaving again. Although I have been lucky up to this point in not having him  Trust me, if I wanted to I could be quite dismal and depressed.
But I’m not! We have had a very nice place to live in here, the beaches are beautiful, I really enjoy my OB, I recently joined a playgroup and am starting to meet other moms, I keep in touch with everyone back home over the phone, Facebook, and email. Because I have no one to lean on, I lean fully on Bob which has made us closer and stronger as a couple. Even if I don’t like the place we live, I know because of our lifestyle we won’t be stuck anywhere for good. I enjoy getting to see the United States and experience living in new and exciting places I’ve never even visited before.
Slowly, but surely, I’m learning to find and embrace my life in Bob’s. Are you doing the same for your marriage?

Created to Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 8 (My favorite!!!!!!)

Chapter 8
First of all I’d like to apologize for this being a day late. Yesterday was a crazy day for me! Hubby was sick so that left me to get myself and Amber to church, and then we had a good friend over who will be deploying in a few days. Please keep Nate and his family in your prayers as he has a 3 year old daughter and a 6 month old son and will be in Afghanistan for the next 8 months. My good friend Lara is going to need all the prayers she can get!!!
But onto today’s chapter. As I said last week this is my very most favorite chapter in the whole book!!! The first time I read it a huge light bulb went off in my head and I was like, “Oh!!! I get it now!!!” For those of you who don’t have the book (but by now you totally should 😉 go buy it!! LoL) the chapter talks about how all men basically fall into 3 categories: Command Man, Mr. Visionary, or Mr. Steady. Every man will be a little of each but most men tend be one predominately, or perhaps a good mix of 2 of the categories. It describes what the men in each category is like and then how you can be the best wife possible if your hubby falls into that group.
My hubby is 99.9% Mr. Visionary!!! I have tons of the sections dealing with this highlighted and underlined. Here are just some of them:
“They love confrontation and hate the status quo”
“Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life”
“If you are married to one of these fellows expect to be rich or poor, rarely middle class…He will not do well working 8 to 5 in the same place for thirty years, and then retiring to live the good life”

“And once get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will FINALLY be able to say “bye-bye” to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man.”
“Mr. Visionary needs a lady who does not take offense easily. She needs to be tough. He needs his lady to be full of joy and life. A Visionary Man is not equipped to be a comforter–for himself or anyone else. His lady will need to learn to tuck in that quivering lip, square those shoulders, and put on that smile.”
These are just a small few of the portions I have highlighted, happily she spends a lot of time talking about the Mr. Visionary!!
If I hadn’t known better I would have thought all the things above were written about Bob and Me and our relationship!! With a Dad who is half Mr. Command Man and half Mr. Steady (more on that later) my marriage to my Mr. Visionary totally threw me for a loop at first. As I’ve mentioned before I spent the first 19 years of my life living in the same house, and my Dad has been working the same job for the past almost 30 years now! I was expecting to marry someone, buy a house, get settled in and raise my family near my own family in Wyoming.
At first I thought the military thing was a phase, that once Bob did his 4 years he’d get out and we’d do just that. Happily ever after 8-5 for the next 30 years.
Obviously that’s not what happened!!! During that crazy time last year this book helped me get through more than anything! It helped me to realize that my Mr. Visionary hubby would be completely miserable if I tried to pressure him into a Mr. Steady job for my happiness. I accepted the fact that God made him to love change and new things, to always want to try something else, somewhere else. I also realized that since we would most likely be picking up and moving constantly anyways, the military was the perfect answer. In the military we get to move every few years, my hubby’s job is constantly changing and keeping him interested, and we’re doing it all on the government’s dime-not our own!!! This has given me more comfort and peace than anything and why I can smile about our upcoming move to Boston and call it an adventure…it’s because it’s just that!!
I’ve decided that instead of bemoaning the fact I am married to a “crazy man” who gets all sorts of half-cocked ideas and drags us about the country side, I will delight in the fact that my husband is one of the most “loveable” ones. He enjoys my friendship, is not overly demanding of me, and just wants me to be his companion.
A few other distinct light bulb moments happened in this chapter too. Whenever I’ve gotten sick Bob is great as first, but after about a day he acts like he’s uncomfortable and almost even irritated at me for being sick. This used to make me furious. I mean, how on earth is it my fault that I’m sick?! He was supposed to be comforting and pampering me, not getting mad! When I read about Mr. Visionary not being a comforter it made a bell go off. I was like, “OH! So it’s not just because he’s a huge jerk when I’m sick (LoL).” So now when I want to get mad, I just remind myself that me being sick makes him feel helpless and uncomfortable, not because he’s a jerk, but because he’s not equipped to deal with it.
These are just some of the things this chapter has made me realize and apply to my life.
It’s actually helped me in my relationships with the other men in my life as well. As I mentioned before my Dad is an odd mix of a Mr. Command Man and a Mr. Steady. He’s mostly a Command Man, but has never wanted or desired a position of leadership outside of the home. Because of this, and the fact he has worked the same job for 30 years, been married to my Mom for over 25 years, and only lived in 2 houses I think he has a good bit of Mr. Steady in him as well. One thing that always drove me nuts about him is that he would always order everyone around. Even if you were on the opposite side of the room, and he was sitting down he would tell you to go get him the remote..even if it was closer to him! This just irritated me to no end. It was as if he was lazy, but that never made sense because he’s one of the very least lazy people I’ve ever met and an extremely hard worker. As I was reading about the Command Man I thought “That’s Dad!!! That’s why he always ordered us around!” It explained so much to me!
I’ve also discovered that my brother is mostly a Visionary, and this has explained to me why he and my Dad tend to clash so often. They’re wired completely opposite of each other!
Lastly I just thought it was interesting to see that my father-in-law is a strong mix of Mr. Command Man and Mr. Visionary. All I have to say to that is bless my mother-in-laws heart!!!!!!!!! LoL!!!!
I hope that this chapter will help and bless you even a tiny bit as much as it has me. And if you’re following along please let me know what kind of man you’re married to! 🙂 As always, any feedback, comments, suggestions, and questions are very much desired! 🙂

Created to Be His Help Meet ~ Chapter 7 and Valentine’s Day

It’s shocking to me how prevalent divorce is in the United States today. At the young age of 24 I should not have 5 friends who are divorced, most of whom are Christians and all of whom are within 3 years of my age either direction, but I do. I think Debi’s statement: “Divorce is never planned, but is almost always preceded by certain avoidable reactive behaviors and events.” is all too true. No one goes into marriage thinking they’ll end up a single mother in just a few years. But it’s happening left and right around us and we need to wake up and realize that in just a few short years the tiny steps and daily reactions we’re having might lead us to that!!! I think a huge problem for many women is the one pointed out in the chapter, they just assume that their husband would not ever leave them. May this never be our assumption!!! Just because you’re married you do not have the right to respond however you want and say whatever you will because “we’re married, he’s not going anywhere.”
Every time I read this book the “when” list complied by a woman who’s marriage ended is definitely a wake up call. It’s scary to me to see how many of the responses she had that I am often guilty of myself. Do you catch yourself responding the same? In and of themselves you wouldn’t really think they were bad…they might seem right or “deserved” in fact, but put together you can easily see how they could devastate and ruin a marriage…all without the wife even realizing what was happening and why.
As I’m sure all of you are aware, today is Valentine’s Day. Now some of you are blessed with the true romantics for hubbies, the ones who buy you mushy cards, a dozen roses, and maybe even diamond jewelry today.
However I have a sneaking suspicion that those of you who’ve been married for 5 years have hubbies that are more like mine and think the holiday is pretty much just a silly man-made excuse to sell chocolates and cards. My hubby hates being in any situation where he feels like he’s being pressed into an awkward situation where he’s forced to show his feelings or devotion. He’s the kind of guy who’d like to show up on March 24th (a day of no significance to the Elliott family) with a sweet, thoughtful gift for me and take me out to dinner.
On days like today it would be easy to get jealous and bitter when I see posts on Facebook about friend’s receiving flowers and jewelry and candle lit surprise dinners. Although we are going out to Outback tomorrow (at my suggestion so we can celebrate V-day and Amber’s birthday together and miss the crowd since we don’t have a babysitter here anyways) It’s easy to forget and let all the seemingly “bigger and better gifts” turn me a bit green.
In a different part of the book is a quote that has always stuck with me,
“A wise woman expects nothing.” 
And since she expects nothing, she isn’t disappointed when it doesn’t materialize, and thrilled and surprised when it does. After all, a nice dinner out, gifts when he feels like showing his love spontaneously, and his love and devotion 365 days of the year are how Bob prefers to share his love with me, and that should be and is more than I could ever ask for.
It’s all just a matter of perspective, realizing what you have, and learning not to compare yourself to others. One of my friends who got divorced always gushed about what a wonderful marriage she had, how her hubby did this and that and on and on and on. Turns out her marriage was always awful and she was just putting up a good front for everyone’s benefit. How foolish I feel now about ever being jealous that her hubby did so many “sweet” things when I had a wonderful relationship. I’m slowly learning to be happy for my friends when they tell me about the sweet things their hubby does, and also realize that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Today especially, what is your perspective? Hopefully you are blessed with a beyond romantic man and right now you’re basking in the after glow. But if not, stop and think about all there is to admire about the man you married, and the ways he shows you that he loves you, even if it’s simply providing for you!
Be sure to tune in next week for my favorite chapter in the entire book!!!! I’ve always gained so much each time I’ve read this book but this is the chapter I’ve gone over and over and have huge sections of highlighted. When I read it the first time it was like a huge light bulb went off over my head and I was shocked as if each word could have been written specifically about my husband. It helped me to understand things I never had before and better realize how I can be the kind of wife specifically designed to help him! Exciting stuff!!
If you’re following along I’d love any comments, suggestions, questions, or anything else you might have! I had such a good number of girls say they’d be interested in me doing this study but have gotten very little feedback on the actual posts themselves. If you could tell me what you like, what you dislike, or what would make you more interested in the way I’m doing this study I’d really appreciate it!! Although I’m getting lots out of the study I want you to be as well, and if no one is then I probably won’t do book studies on here anymore and move on to something else people would rather me write about instead 🙂
If you are blogging about this on your own blog be sure to leave the link in the comments so I can come see your insights for the week!

Created to be His Help Meet Chapter 6

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom”
Proverbs 9:10
I find Debi’s thoughts on having the fear of the Lord very interesting. Most messages I’ve heard preached on it do talk about it as a reverential awe. But I do agree that in some aspects we are to literally fear the Lord. To realize that He is holy and just and if we don’t do what we should do then there will be consequences, sometimes dire ones.
None of us wants to grow up to be a crazy, bitter, nutty lady. Yet if you are continually discouraged, mad, or unhappy about how your life is playing out right now that’s exactly what you’re setting yourself up for. Happiness is deeply rooted in thankfulness and each and every single one of us has so many things to be thankful for! A wonderful easy way to make thankfulness a true part of  your every day life is to write down 10 (new) things every day that you’re thankful for. It really doesn’t take long. I do it as a part of my devotions. It can be everything from the big to the little stuff. Here’s today list from my devotions to give you an example:
  • Feeling better today
  • Online Friends
  • Lipton Noodle Soup (helps me to feel better)
  • Heat for the house
  • Almost caught up with laundry
  • Close relationship with my mom
  • Lots of books left to read
  • God’s daily provision
  • The orders I’ve been getting for my business
  • Sleep

I got this idea from the MUIB leader Jenn, you can find her blog here. Making the list really is wonderful and I plan to keep it up all year!!

One thing that really stuck out to me in this chapter was the part about how important it is not to be your husband’s conscience, or “Holy Spirit”. I’ve seen this in just about every single Christian wife book I’ve read. It’s so easy to point out to your hubby when he’s doing something wrong, all because you’re trying to “help”. I know I’ve done it many times, and I really did have good intentions. It doesn’t help though, it makes you sound like a nag and causes him to bristle up in defense. Next time instead of spouting off what you learned last Sunday and how he’s not doing it, pray for him. Trust God to do His job and pray that your husband will be receptive to His work.

If you’re following along I’d love any comments, suggestions, questions, or anything else you might have! If you are blogging about this on your own blog be sure to leave the link in the comments so I can come see your insights for the week!

Created to Be His Helpmeet ~ Chapter 5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
James 1:5
Being a good wife, a good mother, a proper help meet takes a vast amount of wisdom. The kind of wisdom that can only come from God! The good news is that it’s there just for the asking. The problem is that many times we forge ahead in our own wisdom (such as I demonstrated a few weeks ago) and then royally blow things.
It especially takes wisdom to submit to your husband when you think he’s making foolish decisions, or isn’t treating you as you think he should. What always strikes me as I read this book is how the fact that you’re not submitting to your husband for his sake or because he’s so wonderful. Rather you’re submitting to him for God. You are to unconditionally respect and support him because God has told you to. The beauty of this is that even if your husband never responds in the way he should, by serving God your actions are not going unnoticed or unrewarded.
This week try starting out each day by praying for God’s wisdom in all you do, but especially in the area of how you treat your husband. I’d love to hear how it works out for you!