Top 5 Tips for a Happy Marriage
9 years ago today I walked down the aisle to Pacbell’s Cannon and began the adventure that is my life as a Wyoming Girl turned Coastie Wife! It’s been a lot of crazy and a lot of fun, and I can’t wait for the next 50 years of life with my Bob. So here are my top 5 tips for a Happy Marriage in celebration of today!
Also! Just wanted to add a little note to encourage those of you who might *not* feel so happy right now, and that’s is that the biggest tip outside of these is that even happy marriages have un-happy times. That’s the nature of being married and living this thing we call life!
1. Always, always, Stay friends — Spend time together, laugh, joke, play with each other. just make sure that your spouse is your very best friend. During the crazy, insane, hard times that will pull you through like nothing else ever possibly could.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
2. Fall back in love. Go back from time to time and look at pictures from when you were dating/engaged, go back and re-read your love letters to each other, look at cards, look at presents etc from that time period. Remember WHY you fell in love and chose to spend your life with this person. I have a “Bob album” where I keep all these kinds of things. It makes it easy any time I’m feeling
sappy like a few “Awwwws”
1 Cor. 13:7 & 8 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
3. Comparison is the thief of joy. You’ve probably seen this quote floating around and that’s because it’s SO good and SO true. Never ever ever compare yourself or your marriage to other couples. Everyone can put on a pretty face or gush about each other on Facebook but you have NO idea what’s going on behind closed doors. Just wish them all the best and hope they have as amazing of marriages as it looks like they do–and work your hardest to keep yours amazing and strong as well. Also realize that each couple is faced with their very own and very unique set of challenges in their marriage. Holding your husband or yourself up to them is an unfair measuring stick for everyone and will leave you feeling unsatisfied or pridefully vain. If you must compare, compare YOU and only you to the instructions laid out in scripture.
James 3:16 ESV For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
4. Be careful little mouth what you say. Other than perhaps your Godly mentor that you share all your life/spiritual struggles with do not EVER speak badly about your spouse in a public way online or off. Be careful of even little things that can under-cut them and wound them. They are already super insecure (we ALL are) so always build them up!
Eph. 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
5. Find Godly resources on marriage and read, read, read, and re-read them.I have an entire pinboard called Happily Ever After that I use to keep track of amazing blog posts and our bookshelves are full of Christian marriage books-not because we’ve ever had a bad marriage, but just because we want to be so sure to keep having an *amazing* one! Other resources that I love are here:
To Love Honor and Vacuum — an amazing blog! She deals a lot with marriage and also wrote the book A Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex which is in my very narrow “must read for every married woman” category
The Peaceful Wife — Oh! What a blessing this blog has been to me!! Seriously–she speaks the truth about marriage from God’s word and I always go away convicted, blessed, challenged and refreshed!
Favorite Books: (in addition to the two above ^^^)
For Women Only –This book really is everything your husband wishes you knew about him–but would die before telling you himself, or simply doesn’t “get” that you don’t “get”! As I said–this is one of only three books I’d call absolutely MUST HAVE marriage books! It’s a short, easy read but wow, what an amazing little book it is!
Created To Be His Helpmeet — I feel like I need to give a “disclaimer” now as there are several things about the Pearls that I do NOT agree with and have seen since the time I first posted about this book. In fact most of the other Christian authors I love to read who write about marriage dislike the Pearls very much. This book for me, however, was my “lightbulb” book. It helped me to open my eyes to so many things in my marriage and I am so very grateful to it. Also her chapter about the three different kinds of men changed my life–if you ONLY get it to read that one chapter, it would be worth it in my eyes.
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman — a very popular book that added another layer to the love and understanding in our marriage–a great one to own!
The Language of Love and Respect — another good read!
Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
Are you happily married? Please share your favorite tips and best advice in a comment below!